The confusing art of balancing kindness

Its been a while since my last post… there has been a lot of growth in the air, so I just had to close my eyes, open my heart and breathe it all in…

I saw this posted on Facebook today and it just shed a glorious light on my own personal journey with balancing silence, calmness, kindness and here’s the tricky one… boundaries.

As a child, I lost a brother and sister and with this type of early exposure to love and loss of life, I have been raised to believe that if you were kind, grateful and generous to all, all would be fine.

What I didn’t realise was that “all” included me…

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Growing up as a blend of the East & West, my natural tendency to be kind has been something that I have struggled to balance out with my basic need for boundaries.

I usually let the boundaries slide a little… innocently I trust that it will all be fine in the end 😉 But, as it turns out – boundaries are more important than I understood.

As this incredible picture highlights, kindness in its many forms including silence & calmness is often mistaken for weakness in its various forms including ignorance & acceptance – a weakness that is often taken for granted by people who are just fundamentally different!

This difference is no more a good thing, than it is a bad thing- its part of the basic understanding that we are all a product of our upbringing and environment.

And thats where personal boundaries gently step in…

These guidelines that we create, allow us to identify ourselves with what are reasonable ways for others to behave around us and the response that we will have when people step outside the limits.

Learning to extend kindness towards others AND ones self is that tricky little rope that I am learning to walk.

In the physical practice of yoga, this is something that manifests as we work beyond our physical limits because our ego tells us to.

In the mental practice of yoga, the psychologica/emotional limits will only manifest when we learn to listen and respect the quiet voice. that simply says no. Regardless of how things appear at face value or what he or she says, we come back to that word. No.

Its a short & almost inaudible word.

But the owner of the word is worth respecting.

Freedom to be who you are in this world is immense responsibility.

Its time to be responsible – to protect, preserve and respect that voice.

Happiness never decreases by being shared…an experiment.

Background:

– We moved to Oslo,Norway in the winter of 2010 from a 30 glorious years in Sydney, Australia.

– It was one of the coldest winters recorded (or so they said in the chill of the moment)

– As a smiling happy Aussie, I was SHOCKED to find that most Norwegians avoided eye contact & looked pretty pissed off with life in general as they dragged themselves to and from work in the darkness each day (no judgement… I totally get it, it sucks)

Experiment:

– To go out of my way and risk socially inappropriate behavior to make eye contact and smile at people regardless of their surly demeanor.

– To find and create opportunities to compliment strangers if something stood out to my liking.

Results:

Although my unassuming subjects put up a bit of a fight (emotionally, not physically) and were shocked by the intensity of my efforts to smile at them, after a few seconds every single face LIT UP and they smiled right back!

My efforts to compliment were met with similar resistance which Im pretty sure stemmed again from shock, however after a few awkward seconds, their faces LIT UP (again) and they smiled, laughed, thanked me – in once memorable instance, I was thanked with an actual courtesy from a particularly fancy looking lady!

Look, if you can manage to pull of day-time fancy in an Oslo winter- respect.

It was not only the humble recipient that glowed, but also me. As you can imagine, in those suspense filled seconds of shock, my heart and lungs stopped momentarily and its always a joyous moment to have your vital organs fire up again.

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Buddha says, “Happiness never decreases by being shared”

This I can verify is 100% truth.

But a living-on-the edge kinda truth when dealing with strangers. Sharing happiness involves taking a risk.

From my experiment, I found that exercise of sharing happiness with strangers is similar to the exercise of standing on a stage and singing your heart out… We place one of our most primal emotions out on a platter and make ourselves vulnerable in the meantime…but in that moment, that beautiful moment of hope, determination and desire to create positivity, our own personal happiness is increased.

Efforts to put a smile on someone else’s face will not only change the direction of someone else’s day, but also yours. The deep joy and satisfaction of reaching out to share your enthusiasm and positive energy is inexplicable… and guess what? Your happiness too will increase!

The challenge:

Next time you see anyone looking particularly miserable… go ahead, lick your lips (always helps pre-smile), obtain eye contact and crack the biggest smile you’ve got…

AND let me know how you go so I can add it to my “report”.

Warning: Please conduct the above in the prescribed format, licking of the lips during or after obtaining eye contact can come off a little creepy thus reducing the overall effect and to some extent, proving Buddha wrong.