The confusing art of balancing kindness

Its been a while since my last post… there has been a lot of growth in the air, so I just had to close my eyes, open my heart and breathe it all in…

I saw this posted on Facebook today and it just shed a glorious light on my own personal journey with balancing silence, calmness, kindness and here’s the tricky one… boundaries.

As a child, I lost a brother and sister and with this type of early exposure to love and loss of life, I have been raised to believe that if you were kind, grateful and generous to all, all would be fine.

What I didn’t realise was that “all” included me…

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Growing up as a blend of the East & West, my natural tendency to be kind has been something that I have struggled to balance out with my basic need for boundaries.

I usually let the boundaries slide a little… innocently I trust that it will all be fine in the end 😉 But, as it turns out – boundaries are more important than I understood.

As this incredible picture highlights, kindness in its many forms including silence & calmness is often mistaken for weakness in its various forms including ignorance & acceptance – a weakness that is often taken for granted by people who are just fundamentally different!

This difference is no more a good thing, than it is a bad thing- its part of the basic understanding that we are all a product of our upbringing and environment.

And thats where personal boundaries gently step in…

These guidelines that we create, allow us to identify ourselves with what are reasonable ways for others to behave around us and the response that we will have when people step outside the limits.

Learning to extend kindness towards others AND ones self is that tricky little rope that I am learning to walk.

In the physical practice of yoga, this is something that manifests as we work beyond our physical limits because our ego tells us to.

In the mental practice of yoga, the psychologica/emotional limits will only manifest when we learn to listen and respect the quiet voice. that simply says no. Regardless of how things appear at face value or what he or she says, we come back to that word. No.

Its a short & almost inaudible word.

But the owner of the word is worth respecting.

Freedom to be who you are in this world is immense responsibility.

Its time to be responsible – to protect, preserve and respect that voice.

In search of honey…

In the summer of 2012, my husband and I had a wonderful adventure in the Serengeti… each morning before we headed out for the day we would have an absolutely incredible feast of fresh fruits and honey in a tent that was set up for us in the middle of the Savannah amongst the migrating zebra & wildebeest.

Now while I love all animals, I TRULY fear bees and wasps… and you know it, where there is honey…there are always bees!

Interestingly enough, I cant remember the last time I was actually stung, but the faint memories from my childhood have really embedded themselves into my psyche leaving me with a fear that I really can’t explain as an adult… PLUS Im pretty sure that the movie “My Girl” had something to do with this irrational fear as well… (just sayin’)

Anyway I digress- Each morning I would actually launch into a full blown freak out, not by the fact that we were completely exposed in the middle of the Savannah at the crack of dawn, but by these tiny little creatures playing havoc with my over active Macaulay Culkin loving mind…

One morning, in the middle of my ritual freak out, our guide Tom looked at me, held my hand and asked me sincerely… “do you love the sweetness of the honey that is on your fruit this morning?”… “yes”  was my timid answer… to which he responded, “then you must also love the bee”…

I dont know if he knew the true power of what he said at the time, I dont know if I did either.

I cant say that I was immediately less afraid but I had one of those moments, where respect for the sweetness of the honey overshadowed the possible little sting of its creator.

When I got home, this experience really buzzed (unintentional haha!) in my mind and I started to look into this phrase…Not just on the surface, but the whole relationship between the search for sweetness and the fear of the possible sting.

In the words of French novelist Joseph Jourbert, “When you go in search of honey, you must expect to be stung by bees”

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So here we are… brave enough to color outside the lines, aware of the incredible view laying in front of us but so often… so often, shocked by our first sting…shocked to the point that it can lead to irrational fears which can abort our entire quest for sweetness.

The sting of a bee is natural, it stings yes, but the sting passes…

Ironically I was ambushed and stung by a bee later that year back home in Sydney…and yeah it took me by surprise… and yeah, it kinda hurt…but yes. it was fine…Yes, I am fine AND that has now formed part of my new relationship with the bee…

Mistakes, hurdles, ambushes & stings all form part of an ongoing mental process that is required by  us to remove the fear that we face on our quest for honey.

Its important to keep expectations real.

Don’t live life in fear of the sting, just like our dear friend Winnie the Pooh and Josepth Jourbert, expect a sting every now and then… its cool…it will pass, remember that the honey is ABSOLUTELY worth it 😉